Number 8 is my favorite by a long shot.
Understanding Engineers - Take One Normal
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Two engineering students were walking across a university campus when one
said, Where did you get such a great bike?" The second engineer replied,
"Well, I was walking along yesterday, minding my own business, when a
beautiful woman rode up on this bike, threw it to the ground, took off all
her clothes and said, "Take what you want." The second engineer nodded
approvingly and said, "Good choice; the clothes probably wouldn't have
fitted you anyway."
Understanding Engineers - Take Two
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To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is half
empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.
Understanding Engineers - Take Three
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A priest, a doctor, and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, "What's with those
blokes? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!" The doctor chimed
in, "I don't know, but I've never seen such inept golf!" The priest said,
"Here comes the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him." He said, "Hello,
George! what's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow,
aren't they?" The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes. That's a group of blind
firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime." The group fell silent
for a moment. The priest said, "That's so sad. I think I will say a special
prayer for them tonight." The doctor said, "Good idea. I'm going to contact
my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for
them." The engineer said, "Why can't they play at night?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Four
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What is the difference between mechanical engineers and civil engineers?
Mechanical engineers build weapons and civil engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers - Take Five
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The graduate with a science degree asks, "Why does it work?" The graduate
with an engineering degree asks, "How does it work?" The graduate with an
accounting degree asks, "How much will it cost?" The graduate with an arts
degree asks, "Do you want fries with that?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Six
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Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the possible
designers of the human body. One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just
look at all the joints." Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer.
The nervous system has many thousands of electrical connections." The last
one said, "No, actually it had to have been a civil engineer. Who else would
run a toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?"
Understanding Engineers - Take Seven
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believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.
Understanding Engineers - Take Eight
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An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and
said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess." He bent over,
picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up again and
said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful princess, I will
stay with you for one week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,
smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog then cried out, "If you
kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I'll stay with you for one week
and do ANYTHING you want." Again, the engineer took the frog out, smiled at
it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog asked, "What is the
matter? I've told you I'm a beautiful princess, and that I'll stay with you
for one week and do anything you want. Why won't you kiss me?" The engineer
said, "Look, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a
talking frog, now that's cool.
A priest, a lawyer and an engineer were abducted while traveling in a foreign country and sentenced to die by guillotine.
They put the priest face down in the guillotine, but he said "I would like to die facing my maker". So they turned him over to face upward and pulled the cord. But when the blade came down, it stuck halfway. A cry went up from the crowd: "It's a miracle!". And so they set him free.
The lawyer, concluding the miracle was a precedent, said, "I, too, would like to face my maker". So they put him in face up, and when the blade came down, it again stuck halfway. "Another miracle!" cried the crowd. So they set him free as well.
Finally it was the engineer's turn. Being evidence-based, he said he wanted to go facing the sky too. So they put him in the guillotine facing up, whereupon he said, "Ok, I think I see where this thing is hanging up".
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